Ask any relationship expert what they believe the foundation to a lasting relationship is and chances are that “trust” will appear near the top of the list.
Second to that, the most popular article on this website by some margin is one I wrote last year titled, ‘Dealing with your girlfriend getting hit on’.
The comments section of that article currently features over 100 in-depth questions and answers and the recurring topic throughout is that of ‘trust in a relationship’.
🙂 As with many beliefs and insecurities, trust issues form as a result of cultural learning and past experiences.The past experiences can either be personal experiences, in this case being betrayed in a past relationship, or they can develop by observing external examples of mistrust in society.There is also a correlation between how much we trust our romantic partners and how much we trust ourselves!A lot of people find it hard to trust their other half because they know how EASY it is to be unfaithful, whether in reality or simply in theory. Unless we believe one hundred percent that we embody the ‘perfect partner’ and that our relationship is as happy and fulfilling as it can be, there is by definition a fear that there is someone out there more suited to our other half.Although there are varying evolutionary and psychological theories surrounding jealousy and fear, in simple terms they are both products of our own self-esteem.
Jealousy and any related insecurities stem from protection, neediness and scarcity: the thought that if someone steals my loved one away from me, I will be left with nothing!
The only way to fully trust your girlfriend or boyfriend is to rid yourself of any fear of losing them.
The feelings may not always be rational because trust issues have a habit of burying themselves deep in our subconscious.
I have even had married men (men who are with women that have supposedly committed their entire LIFE to them) who still have this fear of losing their partner and show signs of mistrust every time their wife is away from them for any length of time.
This sounds absurd on the face of it but confirms the fact that subconscious feelings of mistrust can often be greater than any logical or justified feelings.
Aside from negative experiences from previous relationships, trust issues arise in a new relationship because people make assumptions for their romantic interests without fully knowing their true beliefs.