[Feb 2016 Update: Dating a Divorced Dad – Version 2.0 Updated] Let’s Hook Up, Wait. We’ve both got some history under our belt, kids, and some requirements for what’s OK and what we simply won’t ever do again.
(Red Flags, we like to call them.) As we navigate “dating” again, we quickly realise the rules are very different.
Our experience gives us some distinct advantages in terms of recognising what we don’t want.
Don’t miss the exciting conclusion of this single dad’s journey: A Dad In Love, Again (I’ve got two kids and a full-time job, but I’d still like to find time to be with someone.) 1. I will admit that getting back out there, for me, as a man, initially was about sex. (Kids, work, and all the other stuff we’re just remembering we love to do) have to be the priority. That might be a stretch if you’re playing the field, or not sure about what you want. By the time we get past 1st-base I’m letting you know that I am into you.Today, I think sex can get in the way of learning if you like the person. I can be several different sizes of Boston Terrier, but if you’re into whippets and poodles, we’re probably never going to be a match. It may take several months to get in our first four dates, but… And then we’ve got all the negotiations about how and when we want to see each other. Fearless Commitment To Monogamy At first divorce may seem like we’ve gotten the key to the kingdom of sex again. And if you want to go further, we’ve got to establish some mutual objectives.And if you’re going to do more than lay around in bed with this person, you’d might want to go easy on the seduction moves at first. (Let’s not start with jumping in bed or looking at vacation calendars for a while. (If we’re about to sleep together I can assure you we’ve had this conversation.) 8.Get to know if you like talking to, as well as looking at your potential partner. But if you slow the drive to the bedroom you might avoid getting mixed up in something purely physical. (I’d like to keep getting fitter, but my joy is genuine.) In several previous online dates I found myself sitting across the table from very attractive, usually younger, women who had nearly nothing in common with me. I’m Into Moms If my date doesn’t have kids, they probably don’t have much in common with me. Feeling the Feelings Men are often accused of not feeling their feelings.One thing I will tell a first date, “You can ask me anything. And while we are no longer a relationship we went through the whole process, getting to know each other breaking up, without any drama. There might have been a disconnect on those terms in my previous marriage. I know that I feel deeply and I enjoy being expressive of those feelings.
If feelings scare you, that might be something for you to look at.Feelings are the key to compatibility, in my opinion. Yes, I selected these potential dates and knew their age, and also that they had not ever had children.It can blur your vision when trying to figure out if you want to hang with this person for the long run. I’m Looking for 100% Pure Connection Half my life is behind me. I could see myself eyeing their bodies and trying to imagine the sex, but I stopped myself, pretty quickly, even with the fantasizing. Today, I’m even getting pretty stingy with first dates. I want my next relationship to start out with the potential going the long distance. At our age kids are either a choice you made or one you didn’t. Brutally Honest If it’s not a fit on the first date I’m going to try to let you know as gently and as quickly that it wasn’t a fit. And, in fact, feelings can be scary for both men and women.And nothing against the non-parents in the group, but I’m so wrapped up with my kids, that if you don’t have that same passion and joy, we’re probably going to have to look for things to have engaging conversations about. I think that initial attraction is something that we can’t really control or completely predict, but I also don’t think we can do without it. But as we begin navigating our time together we’ve got to be able to talk about whatever we’re feeling.If you have kids, we’ve got an immediate starting point for everything. Let’s Be Clear About This Games of any kind are an immediate time out. I have created a dog metaphor to help me explain what I’m talking about. The beauty of that is feelings include the ability to fully love.Trying to talk about your kids with a woman who’s not a mom… Passive aggressive might have worked in some other decade, but as adults, we should’ve gotten that silliness out-of-the-way. I will always try to answer honestly.” And the one relationship I’ve had since my divorce, went right for it. And I usually share this concept on the first date. Maybe this explains a lack of second dates.) Here it is. So when opportunity arrises I look forward to being 100% present with my feelings.