Dear Auntie, I met this girl about 6 months ago and I really liked her.
She wasn't really into relationships and dating, and had a sort of "exclusive" friend-with-benefits arrangement with some guy from her college, which is out of town.
Our mutual friends told me she would not want a relationship, and I figured they would know better than me. (I didn't tell him that I have feelings for her, because I believed she was still involved with the same guy still and didn't think it important at the time.) A few weeks after meeting her, he tells me they have gone on a few dates, and she said she would like to be his girlfriend.
Even though I no longer had feelings for my ex, that didn't mean I would want him shacking up with my best friend! Luckily, they didn't hook up, but I felt like my ex would have if given the opportunity. I understand that no one is perfect and that shit does, in fact, sometimes happen, but your best friend and your ex hooking up is a BIG dump to take.And that created a whole shitshow of drama and insecurity for me. If you're ever feeling temptation island, I advise you to think about how YOU would feel if your ex and BFF hooked up.It didn't feel good worrying if he would trade in our friendship just for a forbidden make out with my best friend. As far as I'm concerned, there's only one rule when it comes to friends dating exes and that is: YOU CAN' T DO IT. If that doesn't get your dick limp, I don't know what will.For a moment, things got so bad that my ex and I stopped talking for a bit, but we're fine now, thankfully. While I wouldn't mind seeing my ex go hook up and be happy with a stranger, there is an undeniable sting when it's with someone you know. Maybe if we didn't have the capacity to feel jealousy and insecurity, we could all just have a big happy orgy. We met up recently, and it turned out, like with most things, to be a matter of miscommunication. And I don't think you should ever apologize or justify that sting.
Still, what I found most interesting is when I would go to friends and ask for advice on the issue and some people would say to me, "Your ex has a right to make a move on your best friend.
You don't own him."Here's the thing: I don't ever want to date my ex again.
Does Gretchen Weiners have a point about the rules of feminism?
So in your opinion, what are the rules about dating exes?
I don't think those are the rules of feminism so much as the rules of human decency. That's some Dawson-Joey-Pacey kind of betrayal, and I can only imagine the level of hurt you've been feeling.
I dealt with a similar sort of situation with an ex and a best friend.