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I knew going into the course that I was terribly inflexible. I met with two different teachers several times and explained my situation.

I’ve been doing a daily stretching routine for over eighteen months now and I still can’t touch my toes from a sitting position. They both told me that the pain was natural, and that it would subside. We were supposed to be focusing on the flow of respiration, but either through shifting my posture every few minutes, or staying still and trying to endure the pain, I was finding it increasingly difficult to do so as the course progressed.

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Last week I began a Vipassana course at a little meditation center up in the hills outside of Kathmandu. That means no talking, no writing, no reading, no eye contact, no music, etc. If you complete the ten-day course and feel you benefited from it, you can pay whatever you like.

You are permitted to talk with a teacher every day at specific times, and you’re allowed pull a helper aside and whisper for assistance if needed (like if you need diarrhea medication or something, as was the case with me). There were approximately seventy other people there with me, a good mix of Eastern and Western, male and female.

Beginning at every morning in the main hall, we spent about twelve hours each day learning and practicing the Vipassana meditation technique.

The goal is to sharpen your mind, to raise your awareness, to know yourself better. Two main reasons I quit Vipassana: the physical pain and the submission to authority. I entered the course with the understanding that I’d be allowed sit and meditate in whatever position was comfortable for me. I was not allowed to sit with my back against a wall and my legs outstretched, or in a chair.

In that time it seems I’ve developed a bit of an issue with authority.

After leaving the course I was thinking about how I always submitted to authority when I was in younger. I was terrified of breaking the rules and getting in trouble. You’d get a demerit for something like “going on the duck”, which was what we called skipping class.Four demerits equaled detention, meaning you’d have to come into school on Saturday morning for a few hours for supervised study.Everyone had to meditate in their designated spot in the open floor of the meditation hall.We were provided with cushions and were allowed to use blankets.They even gave me a little wooden stool and suggested I try adopting a kneeling posture, which was the most comfortable I found. The longest I was able to stay put in one position was an hour and fifteen minutes.I was quite proud of the self-discipline I mustered to do that, even though my knees and ankles were throbbing and I felt close to passing out as I tried to stand up afterwards.