If love is blind, it’s my job to take the blinders off and let you know how to make slight adjustments that will lead you to greater happiness.
And let me be the first to tell you, greater happiness doesn’t rest in choosing a guy who’s just like you.
In other words, the number of men who are taller, smarter, richer, is going to be a small fraction of the population. You may want these alpha male studs, but these alpha male studs often prefer women who are less busy, more available, less critical, and lower maintenance. What happens when you catch one of these Bill Clinton/Tiger Woods type men? It’s a completely different energy from your ability to slay dragons in the workplace.
Well, consider the personality type of a guy who is busy, driven, and wealthy. If you’re a woman who doesn’t consider herself an ambitious, intense CEO type, it will be far easier for you to land one of these men, because you offer a complementary feminine energy to his masculine energy. But I’m telling you, after 8 years of coaching, I’ve become convinced that people don’t change.
Which is why I’m not asking you to change yourself; only to change your choice of men.
We’ve long ago established that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
That describes most of us when it comes to dating and relationships. You’re attracted to a certain kind of personality type.
Over and over, you plug away, trying to make things work, even though it should be readily apparent by now: there’s not necessarily something wrong with YOU, nor is every man in your life fatally flawed. Two great ingredients don’t necessarily taste good together. So what we’re here to do is try to reduce this to a simple science, finding a man who’s not just a great guy, but finding a man who’s a great fit for your life.
That may sound a little cold and cerebral to you, but I hate to tell you, following your heart has caused pretty much all of your relationship troubles.
Essentially, you’re trying to date yourself, with a penis. Add those all up, and you have a man who is really hard to land for a successful forty-year relationship. He wants a woman who is nurturing and thoughtful and supportive and patient and fun and playful and sexy.
That kind of thinking is a huge blind spot for many women. The only way to land a man like that is to give him what he can’t get anywhere else. This doesn’t mean that he is turned off or intimidated by your intelligence or ambition, but it’s merely a bonus.
(Just imagine if men said the same thing: “I need a woman who is smarter, stronger, and more successful than I am.” No one would ever be able to settle down because everyone would be trying to trade up! After all, he’s surrounded by smart, driven people all day long. He’s doesn’t care about your doctorate or your triathlon medals. And if you perpetually think that the more impressive you are, the more it’s going to allow you to land an impressive man, I would encourage you to reconsider.
) This creates a conundrum for women who consider themselves in the 90th percentile of everything. 2% make over 200K, etc.) Furthermore, these prime specimens of man meat are NOT necessarily looking to date female versions of themselves. When he gets home, he needs to turn off his business mind. Men are looking for someone who makes his life better, simply by being optimistic, silly, sexy, and fun.