As a decolonizing Latina I find it troubling that a white man, who has all the advantages that come from being born with the “right” skin tone and of the “right” gender, can come into my body and taint it yet again.
If you know anything about the history of colonization, in simple terms it meant that lighter skinned men came and raped their way into our lands.
If you know anything about colonialism you know that white men claimed our women like they claimed our lands, not by asking for consent but taking things forcefully with all the entitlement that being male and being white presents you with since the moment you’re born.
So as a decolonizing Latina, I find myself guilty for willingly accepting yet another white man to claim this body that has taken hundreds of years for me to reclaim from the shackles of colonial mentality.
I have a very tight circle of friends, that do not intentional exclude anyone based on race and/or gender, but very intentionally includes women of color and queers. I have grown and become a new person because of the people I have chosen to allow into my personal life.
I call them whenever I need advise, I tell them about my work, they call me to share great news, sad news, and even for no news.
We are very connected but also very much independent people with our own thoughts, and we are all doing and moving through the world with a lot of fight in our step.
I consider my intentional friendships my lifeline, and pride myself in who I am surrounded by.
However, I am also dating a white cis man, and I find myself feeling a lot of guilt around that particular reality.
And I also find that I am not alone in feeling this guilty, a lot of WOC (women of color) who find ourselves in committed relationships with white cis men oftentimes have to defend that reality so much that we do not have much time to really sit with ourselves and deconstruct our own analysis around this particular relationship.
But yes, I experience a lot of guilt around dating a white cis man.
And as I was figuring out how I was going to write this, I kept thinking I did not want to write a post about the reasons that make him bullshit either, because this piece is not about him nor his white cis male body —conversations revolve around those topics too long and too often already.